Dear Diary
by Sheyria
Summary: What would've happened if Lucy listened to her father when she got back home? A story about a girl who writes her feelings, frustrations, everything  she can't tell anyone else in her diary. Dialogue included. Romance & Drama.
1. Day one

**Author's note: I got this idea when I was sitting in class, I got so excited that I started smiling out of nowhere that the teacher asked me if the smile was because I love her class. I said "yes, sure it is" *caugh caugh* xD I couldn't wait to come home and start writing. I hope you guys will like it! Enjoy reading! :D**

**Synopses: What would've happened if Lucy listened to her father when she got back home? A story about a girl who writes her feelings, frustrations, everything she can't tell anyone else in her diary. Will Romance & Drama.**

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><p>1502/2012

Dear Diary

This isn't my first attempt to start something like this. Writing a diary. I always start with things with a lot of excitement and just drop it in the middle of it. I'm going to use this diary to be able to let out my feelings and maybe sort them out.

Sometimes I'm thinking what would have happened if I didn't go back to my father. If I just stayed at the guild. Even now I consider Fairy Tail as my home. Gray, Natsu, Erza, Mirajane, Cana, Elfman, everyone at the guild, they are my family. Going on jobs with Team Natsu was making me the happiest girl alive. Being able to Laugh, have fun or even cry with them… _*sigh*_ How much I miss it all. I still remember the first time I treated Natsu on food, he looked as if he hadn't eaten for days. he must have been edacious. I like to remember things that used to make me happy. It makes me feel that somehow things can get better.

Like the first time I went to the guild. Everyone was just plain crazy. Fighting with each other. Not one of them was normal. Fighting with each other like that. Even Mirajane acted as if nothing happened to her after her forehead started bleeding! But soon I got used to it all. The fact that they fight isn't because they hate each other, it's because they love each other. They say people pick on the people they like. That's the case right here. The more I stayed with my alleys, the more I loved being with them.

People might not understand why I did the things I did. They might be thinking I'm crazy, but honestly, if those people could stand in my shoes for one day, if they could feel the things I feel for just 24 hours, they would understand me. I felt so bad to tell Gray, Natsu and Erza that I was staying at my dad's when they came to get me home. I told them I had to do this, that I needed them to understand me and just go home. Natsu told me that he's not gonna leave it like this and that he'll come back. "You bet we will!" Is what Gray said. I had to push myself really hard to keep the tears inside. Fairy Tail… the place I want to be the most. The people I care about the most.

…

I wish my mother never passed away. I miss her so much. She could help me out. She could tell me what to do. I just can't leave my father. What would my mother think of me if I would abandon my father? After my mom died everything went downhill. He is lonely even now, if I leave him also he'll be too miserable. I do know deep down he loves me and wants the best for me. I have faith in him. If he thinks marrying Prince Sawarr of the Julenelle is the best for me, then I have to trust him in this.

Who am I fooling? I will never be happy with this guy. Not when there's someone else inside my heart... Yes. I'm in love with someone else. For quite a while actually.

First time I saw the black haired boy he didn't make a nice first impression. The guy was standing in front of me half naked! Not that I mind seeing him like that but still, it was a bit shocking. That's not everything, the worst part still has to come. After Natsu stole the only thing he was wearing, his boxers, he asked to barrow MY UNDERWEAR! Back then I thought he was some kind of perverted spoiled brat. I sold him a punch right into his face of course. I don't know how or what happened afterwards but I fell in love with him. Yes.

_Gray Fullbuster has my heart._

But it doesn't matter. No one knows about this and I'd like to keep it this way. I'm being forced on marrying some kind of Prince from a place I've never been before anyways. I've been thought to always listen to parents. They always know what's best for their children. Isn't my dad the one who raised me? I need to respect him. He has done so much for me. I may be feeling miserable now, but who knows, maybe it'll get better when days go by, right? Maybe the feeling I have inside of me is just temporary. Maybe it will fade. Who knows?

_*sigh*_ What I'm doing now is just lying to myself. Why did I start this diary? To be honest with myself. And that's exactly what I'm going to do.

**I am desperate.**

I don't want to leave my father alone, but I also don't want to marry someone that makes me feel at my worst only by being in the same room.

So now I'm actually between two choices. Fighting for my own happiness and causing others to suffer while doing so, or sacrificing my own happiness for others to be happy.

I'm thinking too much. It's making me get a terrible headache. I'm stuck in my own thoughts.

I'm wishing to escape from impasse. I'm in a situation so difficult that no progress can be made. The situation I'm in is like being in a labyrinth. Trying to find my way out but it's really difficult. Sometimes I'm thinking of giving up, if I haven't done that already. I don't even know what I'm fighting for. Am I fighting for something or have I given up?

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><p><strong>Author's note: I realize that this isn't a very long first chapter but since I'll be updating this every day I thought it's okay to do it in short parts. It took me so long to write this but I really enjoyed writing. I do know that there isn't much Lucy x Gray in this part but there will be in the following chapters. :)<strong>

**What do you guys think? Should I continue on this? :) Please review and let me know what you think :D**

**See you later! :)**


	2. Day two

**Author's note: I want to thank everyone who reviewed my story :) It really means a lot and your reviews keep me writing. :) And Rose Fang, I was already planning on using dialogue in the next chapters, else it might get too boring. There will be dialogues in this one already. Thanks for the tip. ;) Her comes the next chapter. Enjoy!**

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><p>Dear Diary<p>

A lot has happened today. I don't know where to start. I'm really excited to write down everything and at the same time I can't find the words to describe what I feel. I'm feeling quite happy and at the same time miserable. It's kind of a bittersweet feeling I guess. I'll start off from the start.

Around two PM I went outside to get some air, I like to do that. When I'm at home I sometimes feel like the walls are coming closer to me. I told my dad I'm going out for a few hours and went off. The weather was rather chill.

What I like to do a lot is observe the people around me wandering around. It's almost magical how much you can see just by looking at them. Happiness, sorrow, hurt. I think it's rather inspiring. It makes me forget my own loneliness for a moment .

While I was walking around I saw a blonde girl. She seemed to be worried. When I came closer to the little girl I saw tears slowly dropping on her cheeks.

"What's wrong?" I asked worried.  
>"My… my mommy... Help us! Please, big sister, help my mommy!" Cried the little blonde.<p>

By hearing her beg like that my heart was breaking. I looked around to find her mother. I saw a young lady captured in the claws of a giant. It was a green monster that had a face that reminded me of Frankenstein. He was standing behind a little mountain near a river which is why I couldn't see him before.

"Don't worry, I'll save your mommy, I promise, but I need you to stay right here, okay?" I said smiling trying to calm her down a bit.  
>"Thank you, big sister! Please do your best!" The blonde said hugging me very tightly.<p>

I ran as fast as I could. I had to save her mother. Even if it was the last thing I did, I had to save her. I couldn't let that girl go through the same torture as I did. Growing up without a mother. No, it's too painful, this can't happen to her. I need to prevent it from happening.

"I command the Gate of the Water Bearer to open!" I screamed as loud as I could. This situation got me really emotional.

Aquarius appeared. The mermaid was breathtakingly beautiful as always.

"What is it this time? You're so annoying!" The mermaid said annoyed.  
>"Use your power to destroy that giant, Aquarius! I need you now more than I ever did before." My voice was shaking. It was almost as if I was begging for her help.<br>"Tsk." The queen of the sea whispered. But I could see in her eyes that this time she understood me. She felt that it really was very important for me this time.

_Whoosh. _That's when I heard the distant sound of the river. A big wave flew right at the ugly creature. It almost looked like a tsunami. God, I was glad I wasn't that monster. Frankenstein-face was so close to the ground, he could almost taste the sand. I didn't expect any less of the queen of the sea!

But there was a problem. I couldn't see the little girl's mother! I got worried and started looking around like crazy!

While I was yelling at the monster asking it to tell me where the woman was, three other giants appeared! They were at least three times bigger than and uglier than Frankenstein-face! I saw the mother stuck in the hand of the female giant. She was unconscious. I had to do everything I could to save her. I promised the little girl.

Something very unexpected happened while I was about to command Aquarius to use her power again. The three ugly creatures fell next to their friend. I didn't understand a thing until I saw him.

"Gray! What are you doing here?" I asked realizing my heart beating faster.  
>"I saw that you needed my help, are you okay Lucy?" The ice mage said while walking towards me with the lady in his arms.<br>"I am, thank you… but I could handle them on my own you know." I said a bit annoyed. Did he think I wasn't strong enough?  
>"I know you could, but it doesn't matter anymore, the woman is safe and you are too. That's what matters the most." Gray said looking right into my eyes. I felt my cheeks turning red. Shouldn't I be used to his presence?<p>

After that the woman got his consciousness back and ran to her daughter. Their hug looked so magical that I secretly got jealous. I would give the world for one hug of my mother. The only person that could love me for an eternity. While I was wiping out the tears out of my eyes I saw the little blonde running to me. She was holding me so tightly that I found it hard to breathe.

"Thank you, big sister, big brother! You saved my mommy! I will never forget you two." She cried. By now I was crying also.  
>"You're welcome little girl. Take care of your mommy okay?" I cried while holding her closer.<p>

After a few minutes we waved to each other and the little girl and her mother parted. The mother thanked us both also. The weather got a rather chill

Gray offered to go to a café together and I wanted it also. I missed him so much. I just couldn't say no to him. Along the way we talked about the little girl and the giants. What did they actually want? Gray told me he'd ask the master or Levy for that matter. It was okay as long as he knew.

I was with him. Right there, at that moment, there was absolutely nothing that could make me feel bad. I was feeling like I was in cloud nine.

Suddenly Gray stopped walking. I wondered what he was doing until he grabbed my hand and pulled me closer to him. I could feel his breath. My heart was beating so fast, that I think someone that was living even 1000 miles away from me could actually hear it.

"Wha… what's… hap…" I stuttered until Gray put his finger on my lips.

He kissed me.

I couldn't think anymore. I couldn't hear anything around me. There was only me and him right there. All the other people seemed to be nowhere near us.

I kissed him back. Knowing it was wrong, I let him do it. I couldn't care less what would happen at that moment. I lived for the moment. It was him and me. No one else. I couldn't be more sure of anything as much as I was about the fact that I love him.

After a little while he broke the kiss. By now my cheeks were the same color as Natsu's Fairy Tail tattoo on his arm. I was actually ashamed of it. I couldn't say anything. I was speechless. Why did he do it? What does this mean? Does he like me? Why now? All these questions are driving me crazy.

A few seconds after that Gray was about to say something but he got interrupted by someone. It was a blue haired, pale, child that was running our way.

"Gray, Gray, you have to come with me!" The girl said running out of breath.  
>"Wendy? What's wrong?" Gray said confused.<p>

**AN: Lucy and Wendy don't know each other since they have never met each other because Lucy never returned to Fairy Tail after he went to her dad.**

"No time to explain! Come quick!" Wendy said while pulling the Ice mage.  
>"Lucy! Tomorrow at the same time! Here! I'll be waiting for you. We have to talk about something." After saying that, Gray disappeared.<p>

Everything happened so fast that I couldn't say anything. Now I'm here sitting in my room thinking about what I've done. I'm getting married to a prince! How could I do this? How could I kiss him? Why did he even kiss me? I forgot everything when I was with him. I was so happy, as if I was on the top of the world…

I need to marry someone else. I can't give my heart to Gray. But how can I control this feeling? I can't. It's hurting so much. Knowing I can't be with him. Knowing that I have to burry this love deep down into my heart. I can't do anything else with it. I can't be with him. I want his love so bad. I want him so badly. Only him.

But I can't. All I can think about is him. I have to go to him tomorrow to tell him everything. My head is going to explode from all the thinking.

A good way for me to get my mind off of things is writing and also listening to music. Right now I'm listening to a song that makes me think of the one I love.

_Feel your every heartbeat  
>Feel you on these empty nights<br>Calm the ache, stop the shakes  
>You clear my mind<br>You're my escape  
>From this messed up place<br>'Cause you let me forget  
>You numb my pain<em>

_How can I tell you just all that you are  
>What you do to me<em>

*sigh* I love him and him only. This is what they call impossible love I guess.

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><p><strong>Author's note: So that was the 2<strong>**nd**** chapter. I think it turned out pretty well and interesting, what do you think? Reviews are always appreciated. I learn a lot from them. :) I think I'm getting addicted to writing. I even write in classes, on the train and even in the shower. Yeah, addicted I guess. :p I'll be updating the next chapter very soon. :)**


	3. Day three

**Author's note: I actually don't really know what I will be writing in this chapter. Let's hope I'll get ideas while writing. :) **

**Thank you all for all your reviews! Seeing those I get honestly happy. I get really excited over them. Seeing someone actually liking the things I write… It's like a dream coming true. :) Thank you for giving me this precious feeling.**

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><p><em>I probably shouldn't be doing this, but since Sheyria is my closest friend, I don't see any problem. I am another FF writer, Sieg Leonhart, and if you're waiting for a response from Sheyria,<em>_ you might consider waiting some more, she'll be out for 2 or 3 weeks, and she couldn't and can't contact you guys because her access to internet is 'limitated'._

_She asked me to upload this chapter for her. I hope you all won't mind my invasion. Don't worry, I didn't change anything from the story._

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><p>Dear diary<p>

Today was such a bizarre day. Nothing happened as expected. I'm still so puzzled about everything. I got myself in big trouble and have no idea how to decipher it. *sigh* Maybe if I write the entirety here I can find a solution.

It started all this morning. I decided to meet Gray, it was the only way to figure out why he kissed me. Well, I had an idea already but my head was filled with question marks so I had to talk to him.

But in _reality_, I just wanted to see him desperately. I tend to lie to myself to put my mind at ease. In the end I convinced myself to meet him. But the first obstacle appeared.

My dad. I was about to depart when he stopped me.

"Where are you going?" He asked examining me.  
>"Oh, hey dad. I was just gonna get some air. I got bored." I answered anxiously presenting a little fake smile.<br>"You can't go, Prince Sawarr called me earlier telling me he's taking you out today." He said without demonstrating any emotion. My smile faded in an instant.  
>"Couldn't you ask me first if I wanted to go?" I said irritated.<br>"Too late for that now. You're going." He growled back.

I could have started an argument but I knew that it wouldn't solve anything. My dad would only get more furious and things could turn out worse if that would have happened. I went back to my room with a long face. My mind was filled with questions. I was completely bewildered. Before I could even get the time to think I heard the bell ring. I felt something admittedly horrible when that happened. The feeling can't really be described but it was as if all the happiness was sucked out of me.

"Lucy, can you please come? Prince Sawarr is here to get you." I heard from afar. Like I expected. He acts like he is the kindest father of the whole universe when someone's around, but whenever we're alone, he treats me contrasting. I dawdled down the stairs and saw the prince with an idiotic smile on his face. I sighed strolling forward aiming the door.

"Let's go." I said coldly and walked out of the door. Prince Sawarr followed.  
>"Have a nice time together!" I heard my dad saying enthusiast.<br>"Yeah, I will have the best time of my life" I muttered to myself sarcastically.

The following hours passed by lifelessly. He was the one to talk non-stop and I was the one to 'listen'. We went somewhere to eat and after that he took me to a movie. It was the most horrible movie I've ever seen, but that's not the big deal here. After the movies he took me to a park where we could sit and 'talk'. I didn't protest at all, because it didn't matter where I went with him, it would have been painful anywhere. He really is more of a boring person than I imagined.

But at that moment, that wasn't the thing that was keeping my mind occupied. Gray was. _Would he be waiting for me? Or did he already leave madly noticing I wouldn't come? I bet he doesn't ever want to see me again and he's probably regretting kissing me by now._ Those were the questions and thoughts that filled my mind.

"Lucy? Are you okay?" Prince Sawarr said with a worried expression. "I noticed you look a little bit troubled."  
>"No no, I'm okay, don't worry. I'm just a little bit tired." I said faking a smile.<br>"you're incredible cute when you smile." He said with a high tone.

_Uch, can this get any worse? _Was the the question that ran through my mind back there. I just wished that this day could be over as soon as possible. Thinking things couldn't get any more fallacious, something horrible happened. It was the last thing I thought could happen.

I saw Gray.

Yes! He was standing a few meters away from us. I couldn't think straight anymore. I couldn't feel my heart beating. Everything stopped. There were no movements in front of me. I became numb. I guess that's what it feels like to be in shock.

After a few seconds, questions started to race through my mind. _What is he doing here? How did he find me? What will he think of me? Will he come over here? Oh no! What will I tell Prince Sawarr if Gray tells him we kissed? How will he react? I'm death! _These were the questions that made me crazy.

"You're not looking so well." Prince Sawarr commented while I saw Gray coming closer to us.  
>"No, I'm not, euh, could you please get me something to drink?" I begged him and fiercely hoped he would do it.<br>"Oh, yes of cource my beautiful princess." He said while getting up and slowly disappearing. How cheesy could this guy get? I was disgusted. But my bigger problem was coming my way at that very moment so I couldn't think anymore about how awfully irritated I get because of this prince.

"G-Gray…" I said very silently. "I… I don't know what to tell you."  
>"Why don't you start by telling me who that guy is?" Gray said with a disapproving look on his face.<br>"Euhm, he's… he's…." I couldn't talk anymore. I was in that big of a shock.  
>"Now?" He impatiently said. That's when it hit me. Prince Sawarr could return any minute now and things would get really nasty if he sees me with Gray.<br>"Take me to somewhere quiet first! It's important, please let's be fast." I begged the one I love.  
>"What? But why?" He said getting on my nerves.<br>"Don't ask questions, just do it, please! I will tell you everything there." Gray finally took my arm and dragged me.

"Where are we going?" I asked regretting it afterwards.  
>"Didn't you tell me to bring you to a quiet place? Just follow, now it's your turn not to as questions." The black-haired answered without showing any emotion.<p>

I did as I was told. After a few minutes we arrived to a place that looked very peaceful to me. The place was surrounded by trees of all sorts, but the prettiest were the cherry blossom trees by far. The grass in the clearing were cut short, except for along the edges where it is was a little taller. The sunlight shined through the top of the trees, lightening certain parts of the area. I heard nothing but birds chirping. But the most important thing was, there wasn't anyone there but Gray and I. I loved it there.

"How did you find this place? It's breathtakingly amazing." I said still amazed by the quiet place I was in. "That's not important right now. You need to tell me what's happening." Gray simply said. I was surprised by how cold he was talking to me. I don't think I've ever experienced Gray in such state.

"You're right, I'll tell you everything." I sighed after taking a little pause. Then I started telling him everything that was going on. About Prince Sawarr and how I needed to marry him. About how horrible I felt but that I just had no choice. I had to do this for my father. That I just couldn't see a way out. I explained him that I felt like I was in a labyrinth. There just is no way out of this. I also told him about my feelings for him. On our way to this place I decided that I should tell him everything. Every little detail. And that's what I did. But it was pretty hard for me to explain everything so I gave him my diary. He could understand everything if he read it. But I was a little bit embarrassed though thinking back about all the things I wrote him.

After he turned the last written page of my diary he surprised me with a hug. He leaned into me, and pulled me close to him. The world around me melted away as I squeezed him back, not wanting the moment to end. I felt really safe in his strong arms and when he let me go after a few moments, I knew for sure now that the only one I wanted to be with, was with him.

"I can't let you go through with this. I can't let you marry someone you don't love. Heck, you don't even like this guy." The black-haired angrily said. I just looked to the grass beneath my feet. I didn't want him to see the tears rolling down my cheek. He slowly put his hand on my chin to upwards it. He saw my tears.

"I can't let you leave any tear like this anymore." He whispered while wiping off my tears. This made me tear even more. But I felt so peaceful around him. I didn't want to leave his side. I lay down on the grass to look at the sky. I wanted to empty my mind because it was making me crazy. Gray followed me by laying beside me. I didn't feel like talking but that was okay.

We were laying there for almost half an hour without saying a word. But knowing that we were together was enough for the both of us. I slid closer to him feeling his warmth. but then I heard a voice. A voice that was very familiar. "I bet she's close" I heard. "My father! It's my father!" I screamed frightened. Gray got up immediately and looked around. "I think I heard her" the voice from afar echoed. I was scared to death! If my father would see me with Gray…

Oh, I can't write any further right now. I'm being called. I'll write what happened tomorrow. If I could escape that place or not. If my father found out about Gray and not and where I'm staying right now. I'll write it all down tomorrow.

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><p><strong>Author's note: This chapter is finally finished. I actually have no idea how it turned out. I know it isn't very long but that's okay I guess, at least you won't get too bored if you didn't like it, right? Haha, Anyways, I hope to see some reviews. :) I get more will to write because of these. :) See you guys in my next chapter! (hopefully) :)<strong>

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